When I was 19, I had sex with my brother.  

Gareth is two years older than me and I'd known that he's gay for a few years, but we'd never spoken about it - in fact, we still don't.  It's just one of those things we both know but neither of us wants to discuss.  Bizarre.  

It became obvious that Gareth prefers guys when we lived at home with our parents.  While I was starting to date girls at 14 and 15, Gareth spent most of his time perched in front of his computer.  Having said that, he wasn't a total dork - he just seemed to prefer PCs to people.  I had quite a wide circle of friends at school but Gareth tended to get on really well with one person at a time at the exclusion of everyone else.  It wasn't that he was unpopular - he has a really black sense of humour that most people at school thought was really cool - he just liked getting to know one person at a time I guess.  

Anyway, whenever my parents went away, I'd bring my latest girlie over to stay at our house, but Gareth would either be on his own, listening to his music loud and typing away on his computer, or have a guy stay with him for a sleepover.  He did this a lot, actually - had guys to stay over - even when my parents were around, and I wondered what was going on.  I couldn't see the point in having a guy stay over unless we were both going to get pissed or stoned together.  That didn't seem to happen with Gareth and his mates.  I was quite curious about what was going on, but I never wanted to ask him about it.  He's a private person, I didn't want to pry.  

When I was 15 I walked in on Gareth and one his mates from the rugby team.  Gareth was getting buttfucked by the other guy.  I know that he was aware of me seeing him, but we never spoke about it.  He let me do what I wanted with my girlfriends and would help me out for cash if I couldn't afford booze or blow to give them.  So I let him get on with his life.  It felt kind of cool to have a gay older brother, and once I knew about his activities with other guys I actually felt I understood him a lot better.  

Anyway, enough of all this crap - how did we end up shagging?  Well I was at University in Southampton and my girlfriend at the time was a Scottish girl called Rachel.  She was pretty hot, actually - beautiful auburn hair and the bluest eyes I've ever seen on anyone.  I dreamed about getting it together with her for months and when we eventually got into bed together I thought, "This has to be one of the best moments of my life".  But she was totally possessive.  A bit screwed up actually.  So it didn't last long.  But we were together around Christmas and New Year of 1995 and that's when all this happened.  

I'd been staying with her for New Year and we were driving down from Leith (near Edinburgh) to go back to London to visit my family on about January the third or fourth.  Turned out that my car became a taxi.  Rachel's younger sister Melanie wanted to lift to Nottingham where she'd just started Uni.  Gareth also got in on the free-ride and asked us to pick him up in Newcastle, where he'd been staying for New Year with one of his friends, and bring him home with us.  I reminded him that this country does have train and coach services, but he replied, "I'll see you around 12" and hung up.  

It took us ages to find the house of Gareth's mate.  We drove around all these housing estates on the outskirts of Newcastle for ages.  Gareth's description had been typically vague.  Like, "Oh it's got a red door and it's in Newcastle" so it was late afternoon by the time we found him and picked him up.  When eventually we pulled up outside the right house, Gareth walked out to the car, got in the back seat, put his walkman on, and stared out of the window.  Totally antisocial.  I think he gets freaked off by girls he doesn't know, so having Rachel and her sister there was a bit too much for him.  

Well, Rachel said we were really going to have to pick up speed if we were going to get to London before midnight.  It's a long drive and it was getting dark as we got back onto the A1.  I drove as fast as I could but it was wet and cold and I was scared we'd hit some ice.  At about six o'clock, the rain turned to sleet and then this got thicker and thicker until I was driving at about 30 because I couldn't see more than 20 yards ahead.  By ten o'clock we'd just gone past Sheffield and it was clear that either I was going to have to drive all night or we were going to have to pull over and stay somewhere.  

I was knackered by now - I'd been driving all day and I really needed a break.  Rachel phoned her mum on her mobile and her mother told her we had to pull over.  She even offered to pay for a hotel for the four of us.  I was really pleased about this, so we left the motorway and drove into the countryside to find a cheap bed for the night.  

After loads of arguments between Rachel and her sister about which way we should go, we eventually saw a "B&B" sign.  The place was a big house which looked like it might have half a dozen bedrooms.  The lights were on and it looked quite hopeful that we'd be able to get a couple of rooms.  The four of us got out of the car and went to the door.  It felt good to get out of the car and move my legs around.  My arse felt numb from sitting in the driving seat for so long.  

It turned out they only had one room left and that had two double beds in it.  The woman at the door explained that they'd had to move the beds about a bit because they'd been full over the New Year holiday.  Now the other rooms were all full because of people, like us, getting caught in the snow.  So it was that or nothing, basically.  The prospect of heading off to find another place to stay wasn't as inviting as the idea of getting into bed and stretching out, so I suggested we take her up on her offer.  The others agreed, though Gareth seemed totally disinterested in the whole thing, and we got our stuff into the room.  

It was obvious that Gareth and I were going to have to share one bed and Rachel and Melanie were going to have to take the other.  It wasn't ideal, but at that moment all I wanted to do was sleep.  I didn't actually give a shit about who was in the bed next to me.  

It didn't take us long to get into bed.  The room was big, but with two double beds in it, there wasn't much space.  We all stripped to our underwear, trying not to elbow each other.  I guess I checked out Melanie - she wasn't as good looking as Rachel and she had much smaller tits.  But she looked quite cute and had a cool personality.  So it was good to take a look at her in her underwear.  She looked over at Gareth and me as well.  Especially me.  Eyed up the front and back of my briefs, I noticed.  Rachel didn't look at anyone.  She was obviously really embarrassed about taking her clothes off in front of my brother and she didn't say much or have anything to do with the rest of us.  Just kicked her jeans off, pulled her jumper and blouse off and got into bed.  

Gareth didn't look at Rachel or Melanie while he was getting undressed.  He talked a bit about his New Year to me but didn't seem to want to include anyone else.  He didn't ask us about our New Year at all.  He seemed totally oblivious to the fact Melanie was checking him out.  He wandered around a bit in his black t-shirt and green briefs, brushing his teeth at the sink and taking his contact lenses out.  He behaved like it was just him and me.  Melanie looked over at the cheeks of his arse, the green material stretched across them as he bent over the sink to peer into the mirror at his lens.  Then she saw me watching her and looked down.  

I guess Gareth and I do look quite hot.  We're both about six feet tall and we're both blond, though his hair is a bit darker than mine.  My hair is straight and floppy but his has a light curl in it.  We're both thin, but I play more sports than him so I'm better built.  We both have nice butts and we both fill the front of our briefs quite well.  

Anyway, we all got into bed and I drifted off to sleep while Rachel and Melanie were taking their make-up off and doing girlie stuff with the mini-chemistry sets from their bags.  

While I was sleeping I became aware that I had my arms over Gareth.  I turned over and drifted back into deep sleep.  I think that happened a couple of times.  It was very cold, though, and I think I just kept clinging to him because he felt warm.  I suppose I might have thought he was Rachel or some other girl, I don't know.  

Anyway, at one point I gradually became aware that I was now holding tightly onto Gareth.  He was facing away from me and my chest was pressing into his back.  My cock was hard and was pressing into his arse crack.  I felt embarrassed and hoped he was still asleep and hadn't noticed what I'd done.  I turned over again and tried to go back to sleep.  

After a few minutes, Gareth turned over and put his arm over me.  Now his chest pressed into my back.  His breath tickled the hairs on the back of my neck.  I could feel his nose burrowing into the back of my head.  His arm sort of flopped across my stomach and his hand ended up cupping my right pec.  His thumb was touching my nipple through the material of my teeshirt.  I dimly thought, "He thinks I'm a girl - he's searching for my tits in his sleep" but then remembered that that wouldn't be very likely.  

We lay there for a few minutes, my older brother pressing into my back.  I was okay with it.  Since it wasn't me clinging onto him, I felt happier about it.  It was just my gay brother Gareth, holding onto me in his sleep.  Thinking I was his boyfriend, maybe.  Cute!  

Then, just as I was drifting back off to sleep, I felt something pressing against my arse.  He murmured, groaned a bit, and then ground his hips towards mine, something hard between his legs pushing in between my butt cheeks.  I lay there feeling pretty shocked.  I don't think I was too freaked out by the fact I was getting my arse prodded by another guy's dick.  That part of it surprised me, maybe, but like all straight guys I'm kind of interested in finding out what gay guys do together.  So the dick-against-butt thing wouldn't have fazed me too much normally.  But this was Gareth, my older brother, and that was the part that made me freeze.  

I lay there thinking, "Shit.  He thinks I'm his boyfriend.  Does he have a boyfriend?  Well if he does, he thinks I'm him."  Gareth slowly pushed his cock upwards in my butt cleft, and then pulled it downwards.  He did this a few times, very slowly.  Remember we both had our underpants on, but the feeling was unmistakable.  He was rubbing his hard-on against my butt.  

Then his hand squeezed my nipple through my teeshirt.  He took the nipple between his thumb and forefinger and gently squeezed it.  He was awake!  He was deliberately coming on to me.  My older brother wanted to fuck me!  I instinctively pulled away, moving forward and away from him in the bed.  He turned over, so we were back-to-back.  Then we both just lay there.  

I guess I lay listening to him breathing and thinking about what he'd done for about five minutes.  It was cold in the room and I could hear the wind outside blowing the snow against the window.  Maybe something was wrong, I thought.  He'd been quiet all day - more quiet than he usually is - maybe something happened in Newcastle which upset him.  Maybe he just wanted to hold me like he had when we were younger.  

I turned over, reached forwards in the bed and put my arm across his chest.  He breathed in sharply proving that he was definitely awake, and I moved up so that I was behind him again, my chest against his back.  He put his hand over mine, and rubbed the hairs on the back of it.  I could his heart beating through his teeshirt.  I hugged him, pulling him against me.  I could smell the back of his neck, a light musky smell, and the slight scent of his shampoo.  It was nice to lie there like that, holding Gareth.  

He moved a little and pushed his bottom closer to my crotch.  Then he was still again.  I could feel one of his buttcheeks with my dick which was soft now.  I was going to pull back but I left it there.  I thought about his bum.  He had his underpants, and I had mine on, but my dick was touching my brother's arse.  How many times had it been fucked, I wondered.  How many guys had fucked my brother?  I started to get hard and he obviously felt that because he pushed it out a bit more.  It felt round and warm.  It felt good.  He ground it into my stiffening dick, all the time rubbing the back of my hand slowly.  His heart seemed to be speeding up and his neck seemed more sweaty.  He was getting excited.  So was I, I guess.  

Abruptly, he took my hand and lifted it away from his chest where it been.  He moved it downward and placed it on the front of his crotch, so I could feel his hard cock through his briefs.  I knew by now that this was no brotherly-affection thing: Gareth wanted to have sex with me.  I didn't know how I felt about that.  I guess I still don't actually.  But I was curious to find out what it would be like.  I'd thought about it before, I must admit.  Wondered how it would be.  We're quite similar and wondered if it would be like having sex with myself.  His cock would look like mine but would it want to do the same things as mine would?  

I gently rubbed Gareth's hard cock through the fabric of his underpants.  It felt big - thicker than my own.  The tip of it had caused a sticky patch on his briefs.  I gently stroked it up and down and his hand reached behind himself and over me to caress my hip and what he could reach of my bum.  I kept rubbing his cock, slowly and sensually.  He seemed to like it.  He just lay there taking it, encouraging me by stroking my arse through my briefs.  

Then he turned over to face me and put his left arm around me.  He was higher up in the bed than I was, so my nose pressed against his neck.  His neck felt slightly rough and smelled slightly of faded aftershave.  His right arm worked its way down my body and found my cock.  I was fully hard now and he squeezed it through my underpants.  He didn't rub me as I had done to him, he just gently squeezed its stem and made swirling patterns on the tip of it with his thumb.  It felt incredible.  He knew how to masturbate me better than I did myself.  I guess he was doing to me what he liked to doing to himself and it felt fantastic.  

With his left hand he played with my floppy hair.  He dragged his nails across my scalp, ruffling my hair up, and then gently smoothed it down.  He kissed my forehead, tentatively at first and then more passionately.  He whispered my name.  

Then he reached inside my underpants and felt my cock, slowly pulling back my foreskin and still swirling the end with his thumb.  He pulled the front of my briefs down and tucked the waistband beneath my balls.  Then he started slowly jerking me.  Pulling my foreskin as far down as it would go, then pulling it back up so that it completely covered my bell end.  These were much longer and slower strokes than I'd ever do to myself, but Gareth knew what he was doing and - Jeez - I loved it.  My brother really knew his way around a guy's cock.  He knew exactly what to do to me.  

I held onto him, putting my hands inside his teeshirt and rubbing the smooth skin of his back.  He was sweating and it felt good to know that he was also getting excited.  I kept rubbing up and down his back.  I wondered if he wanted me to play with his cock but I was enjoying what he was doing with mine and I just wanted him to continue.  He whispered, "Rub my arse, Seb."  I lowered my hands and cupped his buttcheeks in my palms, kneading them through his briefs.  He whispered, more urgently, "Inside."  I pushed my hands into his underpants and felt his naked arse cheeks.  They were slightly hairy and they were a lot more sweaty than his back.  I rubbed around his cheeks, feeling their firmness and their roundness.  I felt that he had a small tuft of slightly longer hair at the top of his cleft.  I played with it, wondering vaguely if I also had one.  It felt good to explore his butt.  I didn't feel at all disgusted by it - I was actually quite aroused by it.  I kept thinking about how many guys he'd slept with, of the guys before me playing around with, maybe licking, maybe fucking, my brother's arse.  I could feel myself starting to near my climax.  

Gareth lowered the hand from my head and started playing with my backside.  He got straight in and started rubbing his fingers up and down my cleft.  Then he found my anus and drew circles around it with his fingers.  I pushed my own fingers into his crack to find his.  I wondered if it would be wide open from being fucked.  If it had been I think I'd have cum.  But it wasn't.  It was tight, like mine.  I gently fingered around it, feeling the thicker hair inside his crack and the soft skin around his hole.  He pushed one of his fingers into my hole, gently trying to insert the end of it.  I guess I was just too tight for him so he pulled his hand up to his face and licked or spat on the end of his finger.  Then he went back down and tried again.  This time he managed to push some of his finger into me.  It felt painful inside my arse - hot and sharp - so I pulled away.  He raised his hand back to my hair and stroked it, as if soothing me.  As if saying sorry.  

He stopped masturbating me and pulled away from me altogether.  At first I thought he'd had enough - maybe had started feeling guilty - but I realised what he was going to do as I heard him moving down the bed.  I felt his breath against my cock first.  Then I felt his tongue licking the end of it.  I felt so hard, I felt like it would split or something.  I wanted so much to cum down his throat.  He gripped the stem of it with his hand and started licking my bell end like a lollypop.  He started jerking me again, this time a bit faster.  Then he pushed his mouth further down my cock, pulling back and pushing forward, each time taking a bit more into him.  I held onto his head, and started gently pushing into his mouth, feeding him my dick.  The bed started creaking a bit in time with our rhythm, so I stopped moving and let Gareth do all the work.  I hadn't forgotten that we weren't alone in the room.  

He sucked deeper at my cock and his hands moved around to my arse, teasing my cheeks apart and playing with my hole again.  His finger kept pushing against my anus but he knew not to try to enter me again.  My brother was gentle with me.  

I desperately wanted to sit up, kneel in front of him and have him suck me off properly, his head in my hands as I thrusted deep into his throat.  But that obviously wasn't possible given that my girlfriend and her sister were both lying not 10 feet away, so I had to just lie still and let Gareth's mouth sweep up and down my cock at its own speed.  Sure, I was enjoying it - but I guess I like my blow jobs to be rough, so I was feeling frustrated that he was the one who was dictating the speed.  

I guess he figured that I wasn't enjoying his mouth as much as I'd enjoyed his hand, so he pulled off me and moved back up the bed.  He pressed his body against mine and held me real close to him.  Really hugged me.  His face was right up to mine and I felt his lips touch my own.  He kissed me lightly and I kissed him back.  He opened his mouth and my tongue entered his mouth.  I kissed him hard, tasting the saltiness of my own precum in his mouth.  I reached down and touched his cock.  He'd pulled it out from his briefs - I guess he'd been wanking it while he sucked me - and so I rubbed it, pulling his foreskin up and down.  It felt massive.  A real donkey dick.  It also felt slippy.  I guess Gareth leaked a lot more than me when he was aroused.  

Still kissing, he grabbed my dick and started doing some of his magic with it.  Kind of drawing patterns on my exposed bell end, gently massaging the back of it where the foreskin joins with the piss slit.  Making me smile as I kissed him and making me squirm in the bed.  I couldn't seem to get the hang of touching his dick.  It felt so different to my own and the angle I was reaching it from was weird.  I couldn't seem to get it in my palm in a way that felt natural.  Whatever I did to him felt like it would hurt him.  Maybe it did, but he didn't let it show.  

We lay like that, him biting my tongue, me tasting my own dick in his mouth, and both of us playing with each other's cocks for a few minutes.  It felt good.  I wasn't feeling guilty or ashamed or anything negative.  We were just playing about with each other.  Brotherly love and all that.  

He pulled away from me and, breathing heavily, whispered, "Play with my butt again, Seb."  Then he pulled my teeshirt up, exposing my stomach and chest, and started licking and kissing the clump of fine hairs in the centre of my chest.  Still wanking him with one hand, I reached over and pulled down the back of his briefs with the other.  His arse felt a lot sweatier now and the soft skin around his hole felt hot and sticky.  I wondered if, like a girl, he got a bit moist down there when he was feeling randy.  I wondered if his butt was getting wet because he wanted to take my cock up it, and the thought of that made me want to grab my dick out of his hand and masturbate it as quick as I could to make myself cum.  I pushed my middle finger against his anus and, to my surprise, it just slid in.  Inside felt dryer than outside and the heat inside was surprising.  I could feel his blood pulsing around my finger as I tried to push it further into him.  

By now Gareth was jerking my dick quite quickly and kissing my nipples.  He seemed to like my left nipple more than right and kept gently biting it and flicking the tender end with his tongue.  He was obviously a sensual lover, I thought, whereas I tended to be more fuck-orientated.  I wanted to push my cock into him, and I was feeling pissed off that this had happened to us while two girls were sharing the room with us.  I suppose my cock isn't used to being kept hanging on - I'm not a big foreplay fan when I'm with a girl - and it ached to get inside his body.  

I couldn't get any further into his butt and I couldn't finger-fuck him, as I thought he'd like, because his bum was just too dry.  I pulled out and, following his example, brought my finger up to my lips.  As I spat on it, the smell of it hit me.  I was instantly fascinated and brought my finger up to my nose, inhaling.  Gareth must have realised what I was doing and pulled off my nipple, took his hand from my dick, and tried to take my hand away from my nose.  I guess he felt embarrassed.  I resisted him and moved my hand back up to my nose.  To reassure him, I whispered, "Oh yeah."  He felt better then and moved his head back up to be near mine.  I thought he must want a sniff so I moved my finger near his nose, but he took my hand and moved it back towards me, whispering, "Smell my arse, man."  I must admit that I nearly laughed to hear him say that.  

I sniffed it again as his hand found my cock and started jerking me, again making long strokes with my foreskin but getting a lot faster than before.  My finger smelled really sexy to me - yeah, a bit shitty I guess - but I think it was the fact that it was such an intimate thing for him to be sharing that I liked so much.  It was also a very gay thing to be doing - girls don't tend to like me poking around their buttholes for some reason - and it turned me on to know that I was getting to know my brother in ways that most brothers don't experience.  

I spat on my finger and returned to his butt.  It entered easily again but now it slid up his passage.  I could pull it out and push it in and he groaned his appreciation.  His cock swelled in my hand, feeling impossibly hard, and I thought, "Yes, my brother loves to get fucked."  This thought started pushing me towards climax again, and I started panting as his hand worked as fast as it could on my cock.  My hand pulled away at his, still feeling awkward, squeezing and wanking his foreskin as hard as I could.  Gareth's other hand found my butt again and starting drawing circles around my anus.  Then he moved down to my chest again and, after a struggle to raise my teeshirt back up with his chin, he settled back on my left nipple, licking and tenderly biting it.  

We stayed like this for about a minute, I think.  Both of us wanking each other's cocks, both of playing with each other's butts.  The rhythm we took up was machine-like.  One hand jerking Gareth's hung dick, the other fingering his hot hole at the same speed.  And also with the same rhythm, his hand masturbating my cock while the other explored my bum cleft.  

I think I came first.  I was thinking of fucking him.  Of him lying belly-down on the bed with his white butt sticking up.  His moist little pink hole on show.  Of me pressing his shoulders down into the pillow as I plowed into his arse.  Of him saying my name and jerking his large cock while I fucked him.  

My cock spurted jets of cum which soaked Gareth's teeshirt.  When he felt me cumming, he whispered, "Yeah Seb go for it".  His hand slowed down and, as my orgasm subsided, his thumb and forefinger gently squeezed my bell end, as if milking the last drops of my semen out of it.  Then he brought his hand up to his face, I suppose to smell or taste my cum, and shuddered almost as soon as it got there.  I instantly felt his cock spew hot jets of his cum over my naked belly.   Even though I felt exhausted and a bit out of it because of what we'd just done, it occurred to me that gay sex was cool because it ends in such a double explosion.  Kind of like fireworks, I thought.  

I opened my eyes - I suppose they must have been closed throughout most of what we'd done.  At the same time I was moving upwards in the bed, intending to reach for my shirt or something else I could dry us off with.  Just then the room went abruptly dark.  Black dark again.  I stopped moving.  I wondered where the slight light that there had been just after I opened my eyes had come from.  Did Rachel have a torch or something?  

Gareth and I went to the bathroom, one at a time, and cleaned ourselves up.  We said nothing : we were being a silent as possible.  Then we went back to bed, sleeping back-to-back and with a foot-wide gap between us.  I guess we both were feeling the guilt creeping in by now.  

Next day when we woke up I worried that Rachel or Melanie would notice the cum-stains on Gareth's teeshirt or that the room would stink of our sex.  But neither of them said anything and Rachel behaved fairly normally.  

As we had some breakfast, Melanie asked if Gareth and I were true brothers or half brothers.  Rachel looked a bit shocked that her sister would ask this and tried to make a joke of it.  But Melanie insisted on an answer.  "Why do you ask?" I said.  "Oh, you seem much, er, closer, than regular brothers"  "Regular brothers?"  "You know, I mean, biological brothers."  

I told her we were biological brothers, but definitely irregular ones.  

A few days after we got back to Uni, later that month, Rachel dumped me.  Over coffee she told me that she didn't like my relationship with my brother.  She thought it was "weird".  I asked her to explain.  At first she wouldn't but when it became clear that nothing Gareth and I had done in her presence justified what she'd said, she admitted that Melanie had heard us having sex together in the bed that night.  

I denied it, of course, but she said that Melanie had watched us with the light from her mobile phone.  She'd seen the sheets moving in rhythm and heard Gareth whispering things to me.  I said maybe Gareth was having a solitary wank, that maybe he knew another "Seb" and was muttering that guy's name, but she wouldn't believe me.  

So that night with Gareth cost me Rachel.  And a few of her friends who I suppose she must have told.  But to be honest, I didn't really care.  My thoughts were elsewhere by now.  I was pleased she'd ended it - it saved me the guilt.  I'd relived what had happened many times and each time I felt less guilty and more horny.  

I hoped Gareth would want to do it again but I didn't know how to ask him.

This was only the second story that I wrote as a piece to be uploaded onto Nifty etc. and I think it still stands as one of my best.  I remember the flood of emails I received when I first uploaded it (if only I could still muster such enthusiastic responses to my stories!) and I still regularly hear from guys who have just read it for the first time.

I maintain that love between brothers can be expressed sexually and that when it is, no matter how hostile society feels towards it, it can be a natural and very beautiful thing.  I hope this story expresses that and gives you a hint at some of the more affectionate moments I've spent with my own brother.